successful failure..

Just like any other day.. although went out for the class outing... I always feel that something is missing...

Doesn't really make any of my day...
As usual.. like any other time I sense .. it was right all the time...

Probably I'm being such an asshole doing all this... trying to be a man.. whom is eaten by his own words... had this glimpse of highlights from Discovery channel regarding the richest man in the world...

A Malaysian millionaire said " .. to get something big... you have to dream big enough.... and when you dream big... achieving it is a small portion of it.." .. I get what he's saying.. but by the looks of my own "dream" .. I couldn't even step onto the Boeing 747-dreamliner... if you know what I mean...

anyway.. cut story short, nice, sweet,clear and simple said.... what things we want doesn't always goes the right way... sometimes we have to accept which is not as what we have expected...

ironically I'm going round...

And there finally... I just need to ask her about what she feels.. hmm I think I should say feel.. sounds too ... nvm I'm short of words.. lets just say think shall we..?

yearh.. I just need to ask her about what she thinks about my confess-ment shit thing..

In the end... she just wants to be a normal friend - line drawn, awake me from hallucination (once again), get back to reality...... and there..... normal ordinary friend.

I always find this weird for myself.. when why I have this "like" feeling towards someone.. it didn't turn out to be the same... Sometimes I just want to feel desensitize from all effect.. probably just send me to war or something..

and yearh.. its like 12.45 am right now... and I can't sleep..sweet dreams? No obviously I can't.. but heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... ( I just need to use this words ) don't fuckin worry about me okay!!!!!!!?! I'll be fine !!.. just like today... and tomorrow will be hell of the same....!


just scroll down below.... see how pathetic I am in my post...? See ? See ? From poem writings to coupon cutting... such a fool are you Khai... yes you are goddamnit..!

That's what I call wildest imagination.. safe to say and agree ... for you and me... that it has gone too far... way too far...

Pathetic la khai... please ... fuckin grow up okay..?

people just want to be friends and you're there day-dreaming again .. having high (not hopes but) dreams...

but out of the milky way...yet its interesting just for myself... just to see how my mood/behaviour/character fluctuates over time, event, situation of cases... which probably makes me summarise myself at the end of the day.. - I'm just as dumb as ever.


Like I've told her.. this is my 2nd time being such a disgrace to myself.. an embarassment which I think of in a better word... towards her... I don't know where to put this .. pathetic face of mine at if I get to see her again.. and that will be the wednesday class..

Self-humiliation.

Just to read from the top to the bottom of this post.. to sum up one word about me.. probably the right word to use is

"Desporate"


Me... what do I have ...? I have nothing.. nothing in my life that I could impress others...

Like I said... we are all living in our own small world.. and for my side.. its already upside down... since the day I was dumped off ... at the end of the day.. people think I'm a fuckn joker .. who creates nonesensical jokes.. which YOU,HIM and HER finds it.. lame.

Fuckin honestly saying, I found it dishearted when people tell me I'm lame. Oh well. Fuck it.

that summarise everything huh.. dumped... oh well. Fuck it.


Just to ease up abit... ( which I don't think so..)

Some new material that I'm addicting to.. X Japan's Hide Memorial Summit... I don't want to talk so much about what its all about.. cause you guys could see it true the link itself...

wait.. lets get things straight... first of all.. is there PEOPLE that will drop by this petty blog.. ??????

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61MvPDpicXA&fmt=6 ( Luna Sea & X Japan performing X -Part 1)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFXfSLUB7J8&feature=PlayList&p=C4B5203A578D8F84&index=15

( Luna Sea & X Japan performing X -Part 2 )

So what now Khai? I say.. after having that long fall from my dreams ... its back to square-one.. the same place where I started 12 months ago...


I am being pessimistic.


Oh well. Fuck it.


That will be all.
Dismiss.



-Khai-